When the past won't let you go
Key facts
People tell you to move on. Get over it. It was years ago. But your body hasn't forgotten. The past shows up in ways you can't control: the sudden panic, the numbing out, the way certain situations make you feel like you're back there again.
You've tried to think your way through it. To understand what happened, to make sense of why. But trauma doesn't live in the part of you that thinks. It lives in the part that reacts before thought is possible.
Trauma isn't only the event itself. It is also what stays undigested afterwards: the feelings that had nowhere to go, the reactions that made sense then but may trap you now, the parts of yourself that got frozen at that moment.
Maybe it was a single catastrophic event. Maybe it was years of smaller things that nobody else would call trauma but shaped you just the same. The neglect that looked like busy parents. The criticism that sounded like high standards. The loneliness that felt normal because it was all you knew.
Your nervous system may still be braced for what happened then. It may not yet know the danger has passed. That is not irrationality; it is one way trauma can persist in the body.
We meet weekly or twice-weekly and work at the pace your system can tolerate. Not pushing through, not flooding you with what you're not ready to feel. Trauma work has to happen slowly enough that you don't re-traumatise yourself in the process.
Sometimes we'll talk about what happened. But often we'll work with what's happening now: the way your body tightens when you talk about certain things, the sudden shifts in the room, the moments you disappear even though you're sitting right there.
The relationship matters here. Trauma often happens in relationships, and relationships can also become part of repair. Part of the work may be learning what it is like for someone to witness what you carry without turning away.
This work asks a lot of you. It can mean touching places that hurt, and approaching feelings you have spent years not feeling. We would do that slowly, with attention to what is tolerable.