£65 per session. The first session is paid upfront through the booking system, then I invoice monthly in arrears.

I know it's a lot. Therapy is expensive. But this is skilled work that takes years to learn to do properly. You're paying for someone who won't flinch, won't judge, and won't tell anyone what you said.

Maybe you're googling therapists at 2am. Maybe you've told the same story to three different friends hoping one of them will fix it. Maybe you keep having the same argument with different people, or something that happened years ago still makes you leave the room.

If you're asking the question seriously enough to be reading this, there's probably something worth exploring.

You talk. I listen - properly listen, not the polite nodding kind. I'll ask questions that might make you uncomfortable. Point out patterns you haven't noticed. Sometimes I'll sit with your silence rather than rush to fill it.

We're not solving problems or making action plans. We're working out why the same problems keep happening, why the action plans never stick.

No. The question isn't what you should do. It's why you can't do what you already know, or why the same patterns keep happening regardless of what you try.

Advice assumes the problem you can see is the actual problem. But the surface problem is rarely what needs addressing - it's just where the real problem shows up.

The real work starts when you finally get that advice doesn't help. When you understand there's a difference between the manifest problem and the psychological machinery that keeps creating it. Between what everyone can see and what's actually driving things.

This is why your friends' advice hasn't worked. Why self-help books gather dust. We're not dealing with a knowledge problem.

A therapist who's still giving advice is working with the same folk psychology as your mate down the pub. They haven't begun the real training yet - the kind that starts when you finally understand that common sense solutions only work on common sense problems. And what you're dealing with isn't that.

I work psychodynamically, which means I'm interested in patterns - how the ways you learned to survive in your family show up in your relationships now. We'll pay attention to what happens between us too, because that often mirrors what happens with other people in your life.

This isn't CBT. We're not doing worksheets or thought challenges. We're trying to understand the unconscious stuff that drives the patterns you can't seem to break.

Longer than you want, shorter than you've been struggling.

Some people need months, some need years. It depends what you're working with and how defended against it you are. Quick fixes are for leaking taps, not for patterns you've been running since childhood.

You'll know it's working when you start noticing things differently. When you catch yourself mid-pattern and think "oh, I'm doing that thing again." When conversations go differently than they used to. It's gradual, not a lightning bolt.

That's fine. Start with what's happening now - the fight you had this morning, the email you can't answer, why you're nervous about being here. The important stuff always finds its way out.

"I don't know what to say" is actually saying quite a lot. The silence won't kill you, and I'm not going to fill it with therapeutic small talk.

Possibly. Sometimes things get messier before they get clearer. I'm not going to promise you'll feel better immediately - that's what self-help books are for.

But falling apart in a controlled environment with someone trained to help you put the pieces back together differently? That's often exactly what needs to happen.

Yes. Same work, different medium. Some people prefer the distance a screen provides. Some need to be in the room. We can work out what feels right for you.

The therapy itself doesn't change - we're still doing the real work, just through pixels instead of air.

Maybe it wasn't the right time. Maybe it wasn't the right therapist. Maybe you weren't ready to stop performing the good client who makes progress and validates the therapist.

Not all therapy is the same. This isn't about positive thinking or coping strategies. It's about understanding what you're defending against and why.

Not in the cliché way you're imagining. But yes, we'll probably end up there - not to blame your parents but to understand what you learned about survival. The rules that kept you safe at eight but are suffocating you now.

Your childhood isn't an excuse but it is an explanation.

Then you cry. The tissues are there for a reason.

What's more interesting is if you never cry. Or if you cry but can't feel it. Or if you apologise every time you have a feeling. That tells us something worth exploring.

If we're just starting out and it feels wrong, we can stop. But if we've been working together for a while and you suddenly hate everything about it, that's usually worth exploring before we call it quits.

There's a month's notice for established clients - partly practical, partly because the urge to run often happens right when we're getting close to something important.

Email me or use the booking system if you'd rather skip the back-and-forth. Don't overthink it. You don't need to explain your entire history or convince me you're worthy of help. Just say you'd like to talk about starting therapy.

If you email, I'll reply and we can sort out what makes sense. If it doesn't feel like the right fit, I'll try to point you toward someone who might be better.

Nobody's ready. That's like waiting to be ready to learn to swim while you're drowning.

You start where you are - defended, frightened, convinced you're different from everyone else who needs help. That's the point. We work with the resistance, not against it.