About Luke

The collapse that qualified me

I became a therapist the way some people do - by falling apart so completely that rebuilding required learning what I'd been avoiding my entire life.

I spent my younger years living what Winnicott would call a 'false self' - performing a version of myself that felt safe but hollow. I was good at it too. Good at being what people expected, good at managing everyone else's comfort, good at keeping my true self hidden underneath.

Until I couldn't anymore.

What followed was a proper collapse. The kind where your parents have to come and collect you from another country because you've lost the plot entirely. The kind where everything you thought you knew about yourself gets stripped away and you're left with nothing but the truth you've been avoiding.

I'd built my identity on being capable, stable, the one who had it together. Turns out that was just sophisticated hiding. When it collapsed, I discovered I had no idea who I actually was underneath.

Coming back from that - finding my way through the wreckage of who I thought I was supposed to be - taught me more about the human condition than any textbook ever could. It showed me what it really means to rebuild yourself from scratch, to learn the difference between surviving and living, to understand that sometimes you have to fall apart completely before you can become who you actually are.

That's what brought me to this work - first as a client who desperately needed it, then as a therapist who understood what it means to be properly stuck.

Why psychodynamic therapy

I chose the psychodynamic approach because it's the only one that made sense of my own mess. CBT would have taught me better coping strategies. Counselling would have helped me feel supported. Neither would have touched why I kept building the same prison and calling it safety.

Psychodynamic therapy asks the question that matters: Why do you keep doing the same things even when they're not working? It looks at the patterns underneath - the ones formed early, the defences that saved you once but trap you now, the parts you've exiled to stay acceptable.

Now I work with people facing their own versions of stuckness. The depression that looks like high achievement. The anxiety everyone praises as conscientiousness. The relationship patterns you can predict but can't escape. The exhaustion of being palatable. The gap between who you are and who you've learned to perform.

I work with individuals and with couples - because often the same patterns that trap you alone also trap you together. The defences that protect you from vulnerability also prevent real connection. The survival strategies that saved you in childhood now wreck your relationships.

I understand the particular exhaustion of performing connection while starving for it. I know what it's like to be praised for qualities that aren't even real - for being "so understanding" when you're actually just terrified of conflict, "so selfless" when you're really just scared of being seen as needy. I know what it feels like to live with the gap between who you are and who you think you're supposed to be.

That understanding comes from lived experience, not just clinical training. It's what allows me to hear your story - whether you're sitting alone in my consulting room or sitting next to your partner - without flinching.

Training & experience

I've been practising as a psychodynamic therapist for over a decade - training in psychodynamic therapy at University of Greenwich (BACP-accredited programme). I'm registered with BACP and maintain ongoing clinical supervision.

I've been working from my practice in Croydon since 2021, after years practising in Central London. My practice is near East Croydon station, easily accessible from across South London, Bromley, and Sutton.

I'm currently undertaking advanced couples psychotherapy training at Tavistock Relationships in London. This isn't just about learning techniques for working with couples - it's about understanding how two people's unconscious patterns collide, how defences interact, how what happens between people often reveals more than what happens within them. This training deepens how I work with individuals too, because your relationship patterns don't only show up in romantic partnerships.

I work with adults individually and with couples, both in person in Croydon and online throughout the UK. I keep my caseload small enough to give each person and each couple the attention this work deserves.

I'm in my own psychoanalytic therapy three times a week. Not because I have to be, but because I can't ask someone to do work I'm not willing to do myself.

What this costs

Not just £65 per session for individuals or £95 for couples (though those are the fees). The real cost is admitting the performance isn't working. Tolerating being seen without your defences. Discovering that the parts you've hidden to stay loveable might be the most honest things about you.

Some people aren't ready for that cost. They want therapy that makes them feel better without requiring them to be different. That's legitimate - it's just not this.

If you're done managing everyone else's experience of you, if you're exhausted from being the capable one, if you know something has to change but you're terrified of what that means - whether you're facing this alone or with a partner - then we should talk.

How I work

We meet weekly for 50 minutes, same time. This consistency isn't bureaucracy - it's what makes the space safe enough to bring what you haven't said out loud.

I won't give you worksheets or breathing techniques. We talk about what's actually happening - in your life, your relationships, and between us in the room. The patterns that trip you up elsewhere will show up here too. That's not a problem, it's the work.

I maintain clear boundaries because therapy needs them. I have supervision because this work is too important to do alone. You get a therapist who's done their own work, not someone who's using your sessions to figure out their stuff.

Email me at hello@talktoluke.com. Tell me what's actually happening, not the version that sounds manageable.

Luke Row
BACP Registered Psychodynamic Counsellor - Over a decade of experience
Advanced Couples Psychotherapy Training - Tavistock Relationships, London
BPC Trainee Member
Psychodynamic Therapy Practice in Croydon (near East Croydon station)
Serving South London, Bromley, Sutton & Online