Therapy for abandonment issues in Croydon
For when you can't trust that people will stay
Key facts
- BACP registered #197852
- Croydon practice
- Individual therapy £70
- Couples therapy £100
- 50-minute weekly sessions
- Couples therapy in person only
You know the pattern. Someone gets close and you either grip too tight or find a reason to leave before they do. You scan for signs they're losing interest. You test them without meaning to. You're exhausted by your own need.
People have told you you're "too much" or "too intense." You've learned to hide how much you care because caring that much scares people off. But underneath the performance, there's a terror that never quite goes away: the certainty that everyone leaves eventually.
This isn't a personality flaw
Fear of abandonment often starts before you had words for it. Maybe a parent was physically present but emotionally gone. Maybe someone left, through death, divorce, illness, or checked-out parenting. Maybe you learned that love was conditional, that you had to earn proximity, that being yourself wasn't enough to make people stay.
Your nervous system may have learned that attachment is dangerous. The hypervigilance, the jealousy, the push-pull: these aren't character defects. They may be survival strategies that made sense once.
What we'll do
We meet weekly or twice-weekly, same time, same place. This consistency matters. Part of the work is discovering that someone can show up reliably, that ruptures can be repaired, that you don't have to be perfect to be kept.
We'll pay attention to what happens between us. The moments you expect me to disappear, the urge to test whether I'll stay, the discomfort when things feel too close or too distant. These patterns in the room mirror the patterns in your life.
The goal isn't to stop needing people. It's to need them without the terror.
Common questions
- What causes fear of abandonment?
- It is often connected with early experiences: a parent who was inconsistent, absent, or emotionally unavailable; a significant loss; unpredictable caregiving; or conditional love that taught you people leave when you are not good enough. Your nervous system may have learned that attachment is dangerous, and the old programme can keep running.
- Is fear of abandonment the same as attachment issues?
- Fear of abandonment is often part of anxious attachment - one of the insecure attachment styles. But the terms overlap considerably. What matters less is the label and more the experience: the terror of being left, the difficulty trusting people will stay, the patterns that push people away while trying to keep them close.
- Can you ever fully heal from abandonment issues?
- The early experiences that shaped the fear cannot be undone, but your relationship with them can change. Through therapy and through new experiences of reliable, repairable connection, the terror may become more understandable and more manageable. Some sensitivity may remain, but it does not have to run everything.
- Why do I push people away when I'm scared they'll leave?
- It may be a way of taking control of what feels inevitable. If you are certain abandonment is coming, rejecting first can feel less devastating than being rejected. It is self-protective, even if it risks creating the outcome you fear. Understanding this pattern is the first step to changing it.