Couples Therapy
Couples Therapy in Croydon
When you can't say what needs saying
Key facts
- BACP registered #197852
- Croydon practice
- Individual therapy £70
- Couples therapy £100
- 50-minute weekly sessions
- Online individual therapy
- Couples therapy in person only
The silence between you
You're lying next to someone you love and you've never felt more alone.
Or you're mid-argument and suddenly you're both eight years old, fighting like your parents fought, swearing you'd never do this.
Something's badly wrong but neither of you can name it without the other hearing it as an attack.
What couples therapy actually offers
I'm a BACP registered psychodynamic therapist, currently training at Tavistock Relationships, working with couples in Croydon. Couples therapy - often searched for as couples counselling in Croydon - isn't about communication techniques or learning to argue better. It's about understanding what's actually happening between you.
The problem usually isn't that you don't communicate. It's that you each brought a different instruction manual to this relationship - shaped by attachment, in houses with different atmospheres, different dangers, different ways of surviving. You're following rules the other person never learned.
So you end up in this dance. One of you pursues, the other withdraws. Or you're both so careful with each other that nothing real gets through. Or you fight about money when it's really about power, about sex when it's really about worth, about whose family to visit when it's really about who gets to matter.
In our sessions, we look at what's underneath all that. Not just what you're arguing about, but what makes these particular arguments feel so annihilating. What each of you is trying to say that the other can't seem to hear. What you're both afraid of that you haven't named yet.
We won't just talk about your relationship - we'll watch it happen in the room. The dynamics that destroy you at home will show up here too, where we can actually see them and work with them.
Common reasons couples come
Couples often come because of repeated arguments, affairs, emotional distance, loss of intimacy, resentment, sexual difficulties, money, family pressure, or uncertainty about whether to stay together.
Those problems matter in their own right. But in psychodynamic couples therapy we also look at why this particular problem has taken hold between you, why it keeps returning, and what each of you is defending against when the conversation collapses.
What starts to shift
The fights don't disappear, but they lose their annihilating quality. You start hearing what your partner is actually saying instead of what it reminds you of. They start hearing you.
Something like curiosity returns - the kind you had before you both became so defended. You remember that this person surprised you once, and you start to let them surprise you again.
The script you've both been following, the one neither of you wrote, starts to lose its grip. Not all at once. But enough that something new becomes possible between you.
What this asks of you
The patterns between you weren't built in a weekend and they won't dissolve in a few sessions.
This work asks you to sit in a room together and look at things you've both been avoiding. It asks patience, honesty, and a willingness to discover that you might be part of the problem - even when you arrived certain the problem was entirely the other person.
Some couples come early, when things first start to shift. Others come after years of the same painful pattern. The work is different depending on when you arrive, but it's never the wrong time to understand what's happening between you.
What I'm here for is to help you understand what's actually happening in your relationship. Sometimes that means finding a way back to each other. Sometimes it means separating without destroying each other. Either way, you'll stop repeating the same script you didn't write.
Who this is for
Maybe you've noticed something shifting between you and you can't quite name it. Maybe the same argument keeps happening in different words and you're both exhausted by it. Maybe one of you had an affair and you're trying to rebuild but don't know how. Maybe you haven't touched each other properly in months. Or years.
You might be here because something's just starting to feel wrong, or because it's been wrong for a long time. You're great in a crisis but terrible at Tuesday evening. You love each other but can't stop hurting each other. You're not sure what's happening but you know it isn't working.
You don't need to know what's wrong. You just need to know that what you're doing isn't working anymore.
Where we meet
Couples therapy takes place in person at my Croydon practice, near East Croydon station and Reeves Corner. People come from Croydon, South Croydon, West Croydon, Purley, Wallington, and nearby South London areas.
I don't offer online couples therapy. Both partners attend together, in the room, because the relationship needs to be present for us to work with it properly.
Common questions
- What happens in couples therapy?
- Both partners attend together. We talk about what's happening in the relationship and pay attention to how it happens between you in the room: who pursues, who withdraws, what cannot be said, and what each of you hears when the other speaks.
- Can couples therapy help after an affair?
- It can help you understand what happened, what the affair means in the relationship, and whether repair is possible. The work is not about rushing forgiveness or assigning simple blame. Sometimes couples rebuild. Sometimes they separate more honestly. Either way, the aim is to stop repeating the same hidden pattern.
- Is couples therapy worth it if we keep having the same argument?
- Repeated arguments are one of the clearest reasons to come. The argument is usually not only about the topic in front of you. It is about the pattern underneath: feeling ignored, controlled, unwanted, criticised, abandoned, or not taken seriously.
- Do you offer online couples therapy?
- No. Couples therapy is in person only at my Croydon practice. I offer online individual therapy, but couples work depends on being able to observe both partners in the room together.
- What is the difference between couples therapy and couples counselling?
- People often use the terms interchangeably. I use couples therapy for psychodynamic relationship work: not just communication tips, but understanding the unconscious patterns, histories, and defences shaping what happens between you.
- How much does couples therapy cost in Croydon?
- Couples therapy costs £100 for a 50-minute weekly session. Sessions take place in person in Croydon.
Related reading
What The Roses Gets Wrong About Couples Therapy
The Roses opens in couples therapy. They're asked to name ten things they love about each other. What the film gets wrong is the response.
Therapy Speak Is Ruining Your Relationships
You know all the words now. Gaslighting. Narcissist. Triggered. Boundaries. And somehow your relationships still aren't working.