When you're your own worst critic
Other people see you as capable, together, successful. But inside there's a voice that never shuts up. The one that spots every flaw, dismisses every achievement, reminds you that you're somehow fooling everyone and it's only a matter of time before they notice.
You've tried positive affirmations. You've made lists of your accomplishments. You know, intellectually, that you're not worthless. But knowing doesn't touch the feeling. The voice is still there.
That critical voice - the one that tells you you're not good enough, not smart enough, not enough full stop - it didn't start with you. You learned it. From a parent who was never satisfied, a teacher who made you feel small, a culture that taught you love was conditional.
Low self-esteem isn't a personality trait. It's an internalised relationship. You're treating yourself the way someone once treated you, and calling it truth. The self-criticism often fuels anxiety, which in turn deepens the conviction that you're not enough.
Psychodynamic therapy doesn't try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. It asks where the voice came from and why you still believe it. Once you can hear it as something that was done to you rather than something true about you, the grip starts to loosen.
We meet weekly or twice-weekly and pay attention to how you talk about yourself. Not to correct it, but to understand where it comes from.
You'll notice the voice showing up in the room. The apologising when you haven't done anything wrong. The dismissing of your own experience. The waiting for me to judge you. These aren't bad habits - they're clues. Sometimes what looks like low self-esteem also carries depression — a shutting down that happens when the internal criticism becomes overwhelming.
Over time, you might start catching the voice when it speaks. Not to argue with it, but to recognise it as something separate from you. Something you inherited, not something you are.