Therapy for relationship patterns in Croydon
For when you keep ending up in the same place
Key facts
- BACP registered #197852
- Croydon practice
- Individual therapy £70
- Couples therapy £100
- 50-minute weekly sessions
- Couples therapy in person only
Different names, different faces, same dynamic. You find someone, it feels different this time, and then slowly, or suddenly, you're back in familiar territory. The avoidant one. The critical one. The one who needs fixing. The one who can't commit.
You've read the books. You know your attachment style, your love language, your Enneagram type. You can see the pattern clearly. And yet here you are again.
Insight isn't enough
Understanding why you choose unavailable people does not automatically make you stop choosing them. Knowing you may repeat something from your parents' marriage does not, by itself, break the repetition. The pattern can live deeper than insight can reach.
Psychodynamic therapy works with the unconscious pull: the part of you that may find chaos familiar, mistake intensity for intimacy, or feel drawn to people who confirm what you already believe about yourself.
Often we choose partners who give us a chance to replay old scenarios, hoping for a different ending. The problem is we usually cast ourselves in the same role.
What we'll do
We meet weekly or twice-weekly and look at the relationships that shaped you. Not to blame your parents, but to understand the template you're working from.
What did love look like in your house? What did you have to do to get attention? What happened when you had needs? The answers to these questions are running in the background of every relationship you enter.
We'll also pay attention to our relationship. The assumptions you make about me, the roles you expect us to play. How you relate to your therapist often mirrors how you relate everywhere else.
Common questions
- Is relationship therapy the same as couples therapy?
- No. Relationship therapy is individual work focused on your patterns in relationships - why you choose who you choose, why things keep ending the same way. Couples therapy is joint work with your partner on what's happening between you. Both are valuable; they address different things.
- Can therapy help if I keep attracting the wrong people?
- It may help to think less about attracting and more about choosing. There may be something familiar about these 'wrong' people: they fit a template you developed early on. Therapy helps you see the template and understand why it can feel like home, even when home is not good for you.
- What if I'm single and haven't been in a relationship for years?
- That can be just as relevant. Avoiding relationships may be its own pattern, sometimes protecting you from rejection, vulnerability or repeating past pain. We can work with what relationships mean to you, even if you are not currently in one.
- How long until I stop repeating the same patterns?
- Patterns that have been running for decades rarely shift quickly. Many people need long-term regular therapy. You may notice awareness first, catching yourself mid-pattern, before the pattern itself starts to loosen.