Online Therapy: 10 Things That Actually Matter
If you're setting up for online therapy, here's what will make the difference between performing wellness and doing the work.
Your mess is part of the process. Stop apologising for your kid interrupting or your neighbour's drill. These aren't therapy failures - they're your actual life showing up, which is rather the point. The chaos you're trying to hide is often the chaos you need to talk about.
Turn off your self-view. That little video box will make you hyper-aware of whether you look sad enough to deserve help. You'll spend half the session monitoring your face instead of feeling your feelings. Kill it immediately.
Use headphones. Not for technical reasons - for intimacy. Real conversation requires being able to hear the pauses, the breath changes, the things people don't say. Laptop speakers turn therapy into a conference call.
Your space tells a story. The corner you choose, what's visible behind you, whether you're hiding in your car - your therapist will notice. You might as well think about what you're saying. Are you performing control or allowing vulnerability?
Distance changes intimacy, doesn't eliminate it. Some people find it easier to cry when they're not being watched in person. Others feel like they're talking to a screen. Neither is wrong. Know which you are.
Privacy isn't just about being overheard. If someone's in the next room, you'll edit yourself even if they can't hear you. Real therapy requires the freedom to fall apart completely. Half-privacy creates half-honesty.
Stable connection matters for reasons you haven't considered. It's not just technical frustration - having to repeat yourself when you've just said something vulnerable kills the moment entirely. Some things can only be said once.
Sit back far enough to be seen. So much of what you're not saying shows up in how you hold yourself. If all your therapist can see is your disembodied head, they're missing half the conversation.
Silence your phone, but not for the obvious reasons. It's not about politeness - it's about protecting your attention. Real insight happens in the spaces between words. Notifications shatter that completely.
Accept that perfect conditions don't exist. Your breakthrough won't wait for ideal wifi. Your most important session will be the one where everything goes wrong. The mess isn't preventing the work - it is the work.
The technology will disappear after five minutes. What remains is whether you're willing to be real in your own space, with all its imperfections showing.